May 1, 2011

$1,000,000,000,000,000,000


So I’ve come up with my Trillion dollar idea.  We’ve all had experiences where someone says they’re going to do something – go on a date, study with you, meet you for lunch, show up for a soccer game, call you back – but then they don’t.  Personally nothing bothers me more than this.  So let me introduce
Flakes.com


So what is Flakes.com?  It is a website that I'm creating that is used to help normal, decent people determine who the flaky people in this world are.  There’s nothing more annoying in this world than having people not show up when they say they’re going to, waiting for an important call that doesn’t come or sprinting through campus to turn in an assignment because someone showed up to school with their part of the assignment 4 hours later than they said they were going to.  Flakes.com doesn’t cure the world of Flakes but it lets you navigate your way through life avoiding them and the consequences that come with them as often as possible.


So how does it work? Using nano-technology, quantum physics and applied nuclear triangulation I have created an amazing App called the Flakometer® to create a personal profile for every person in the world based on their phone calls, texts, social media interactions (facebook, twitter etc.) email, and outlook calendars.  The beauty of it is that people don’t sign up for it, it’s created without people’s consent, similar to Apple being able to track people via their iPhones, so they aren’t able to edit their profile to make it look like they’re reliable.  The app tracks people based on what they say they’re going to do and if they actually do it.  Each person is given a ranking 1-5 on which is visible on other sites like Facebook, eHarmony, Match.com, LinkedIn etc.  Every time they don’t do what they say they’re going to their score gets dinged similar to a credit score.  The way it works is that on a persons profile a little snowflake icon shows up.  You click on it and the persons flake.com profile shows up with one of the following rankings:

This person is extremely reliable and will follow through
with what they say when they say they're going to do it

This person is generally reliable and typically follows through
If for some reason they are not able to do what they said
they will call and let you know

This person follows through about half the time but is usually late
Excuses will include car trouble, sickness, getting stuck at work

This person says they'll do something but rarely does it. 
They are easily distracted and wil likely drop what they
are supposed to do with you should something more
interesting become available regardless of prior commitments

HAHAHA Not a chance this person will do what they say
If you're thinking of asking this person on a date it is recommended
that you instead rent a movie, eat ice cream and save yourself
the misery of waiting to see if they call back or show up.




This way you can see if the person you’re dying to ask on a date will actually go or if they'll say yes but then call back saying they're having emergency butt implant surgery.  If the person you invite to your Twilight viewing party will really bring the Edward cupcakes you assigned them.  If they 27 year old who says that he is the CEO of a major social networking site actually knows how to return a phone call.

I think the thing I’m most excited for with this is for the people who think they’re not flaky are going to have an unpleasant surprise and might finally understand why certain people don’t call them any more.  I won’t name any names but thanks to everyone, and there are a lot of people, who inspired this.  I’ll dedicate my first billion to you. 



Oh wait, they'll probably mean to check my blog but forget to
 

3 comments:

holtkamp said...

ha, ha, genius idea :) let's get together when we come to slc next month...unless one of us gets emergency butt implant surgery...

Nate said...

I love this idea.

Jefe said...

Bitter much?