Life is good my friends, life is good

I just got home from the Pearl Jam concert. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. Amazing, excellent, unbelievable, and awesome just don't quite describe it. I think the only thing I can say is that I can't remember the last time I've smiled so much or felt so happy. I don't remember ever getting goosebumps so many times in one night. These guys have been around for a long time and know how to put on a show. They play new songs, old songs, songs they like and songs the audience likes. They have fun and make sure the crowd does too. There is nothing like expecting to hear a new song you don't know but then hearing the intro to Evenflow. I can't count the number of times I played that song on the drums when I was learning. Or when the show is almost over and they announce the last song and its Yellow Ledbetter, the only song that could possibly make the night better. Everytime this happened, I'd just laugh and my smile would grow a little bigger. Thank you PJ for making my life happier and the world a better place.

From Dubai to Ireland

Here is the latest set of emails between me and my Dubian scammer friend

DEAR FRIEND,

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL, I QUITE UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN, I AM NOT IN DUBAI AT THE MOMENT, I AM ORIGINALLY FROM THERE BUT I GROW UP IN LONDON, I AM PRESENTLY RECIEVING TREATMENT IN IRELAND AND HERE IS MY NUMBER +44-704-570-9245.

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR DETAILS IN THIS MANNER SO I CAN CALL YOU AND WE CAN TALK BETTER:

NAME:
ADDRESS:
TEL:
AGE:
OCCUPATION:

THE SECURITY COMPANY IS NOT IN DUBAI. PLEASE GET BACK TO ME URGENTLY SO WE GET THIS TRANSACTION GOING. PLEASE NOTE THAT YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE IN THSI TRANSACTION AND THERE IS THE NEED FOR US TO BE IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION AS TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION.
AWAITING YOUR URGENT MAIL.

REGARDS,
SAEED AHMED


Dear Saeed,

I am beginning to question the validity of your request. You first told me that you are in Dubai, but now you tell me that you live in London but are in Ireland. I spent several thousand dollars flying to Dubai to meet you only to find that you were not honest with me. I understand that the securities company is not in Dubai, but my attorneys told me that you would be able to withdraw the money there. I have tried calling your phone but it says that the number has been disconnected. Based on these events my trust is extremely shaken I do not know if I can still help you. If you feel that you can restore my trust in you please do.

Josne


DEAR FRIEND,

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL, HOW ARE YOU TODAY , I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN IN ANYWAY DISHONEST WITH YOU, IF YOU READ MY FIRST MAIL CLEARLY, I ONLY TOLD YOU WERE I AM FROM AND DID NOT INDICATE THAT I WAS THERE AT THAT POINT TIME. MY NUMBER I GACE YOU IS VERY VALID AND IF YOU CANNOT GET THROUGH, PLEASE SEND YOUR NUMBER TO ME LET ME CALL YOU.

AGAIN, WE HAVE NOT CONLCLUDED FOR YOU TO TRAVEL TO THE SECURITY COMPANY BEFORE YOU DID, I AM SORRY IF YOU DID WITH GETTING A RESULT, I NEED TO GIVE SOME DUCUMENTS FOR YOU CAN GO THERE TO GET THE FUNDS.


Saeed, If you recall in your first email to me you said "My name is Saeed Ahmed a merchant in Dubai, in theU.A.E.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer." By leading me to believe that you are in Dubai by this statement and not telling me that you are in Ireland until your third email my trust is severely shaken. I have received several other offers to help persons in need with their wealth. I will most likely take their offers because they have been honest and forthright with me unlike you. I wish you the best with your defiling disease.

Sign me up!!!

So I'm supposed to studying but of course I'm procrastinating and procrastination usual involves Facebook. There are usually ads for dating sites, hot moms etc. but for the first time I saw one for LDSSingles.com, a dating site for LDS singles (I know you're thinking "duh Jonathan"). I've always thought that these are pretty funny so I clicked on it. I sure was surprised to find out that "LDSSO® (which stands for LDS Singles Online®) was created in 1996 as a safe and fun way for LDS Singles to meet online and build great friendships and relationships." "Since its start over 400,000 profiles have been created and well over a thousand couples have found their match on LDSSO." I like statistics and numbers so let figure out my odds if I join.

It says well over 1,000 couples have been matched on there, so for arguments sake lets assume 1,200. At that rate 92.3 couples have been matched up per year for the past 13 years. I'm liking my odds.

Over 400,000 people have joined and lets keep our assumption of 1,200 couples, which would equal 2,400 individuals. At this rate my odds of success are 0.60%. About 1/2 a percent. Not looking so good

But how much do I have to pay to meet my future wife? Well, luckily if I sign up for 6 months its only $60 or $10/month but I'm liking my odds so I'll assume that it would take me 2 months to meet, date and get engaged to my future wife in typical Mormon fashion. I'd probably go with the 3 month subscription for only $36 just to be safe which breaks down to $12/month.

The average monthly cost is $12.33. If everyone can get hitched in 6 months this only comes out to 6 months x 12.33 x 400,000 subscribers =$29,592,000. Under these assumptions (which have not been exaggerated at all) this means that for every marriage (1,200) this site makes $24,660 for every couple that gets hitched.

The fun continues............

Here is my most recent response to our friend Saeed. I used the name Josne Mubaraq, my dad used to call us that when we were little (and it conveniently is the name of the current president of Egypt).


Dear Saeed, thank you for responding. As a God fearing man seeking to do right and never take advantage of others by any means I am happy to assist you in the distribution of your wealth. You are not the first person I have had the opportunity to help. Only 2 years ago I was fortunate enough to help a man from Nigeria who had recovered a sum of $15 million due to an American contractor dying in a car accident and leaving no living heir. Needless to say I am quite wealthy and enjoy sharing my wealth with others. I have had my attorneys in Europe study the finance and security laws and they unfortunately prohibit a transfer of this sort. I understand the urgency of your medical situation so I am making ready to personally fly to Dubai to collect the money from you. I am sure that this will be satisfactory with you as you wish to distribute this money as quickly and as safely as possible. Nothing could be safer than me picking it up. My attorneys pointed out that as it is your money in the European bank you will have no inconvenience withdrawing it from your account while you are in Dubai. I plan to fly out tomorrow morning so if you could please give me your contact information and location so I can find you. I look forward to meeting such a philanthropic man as yourself and trust that you will be an inspiration for me to do good.

Regards,

Josne Mubaraq

Return of the Dubai

So after receiving the scam email yesterday (see below if you haven't read it), I decided to have some fun with this scammer, the man who's medical issues are defiling doctors (his words, not mine). I emailed him back saying that I would love to get his money and to ask how he would get it to me. I mean, this is $8 million we're talking about here. Here is his response. Unfortunately his disease is still defiling doctors and treatment everywhere. That's got to be awkward.

Dear Friend,

I am most grateful for your mail, and I seize this opportunity to thank you for coming to my rescue and to also let you know that this task is a straight forward and legal task. I am somebody with a conscience. If this task was in any way illegal, I would tell you straight away so that you know what you are involved in and decide for yourself. But it is not like that and you will later see and understand that.

I hope you were not too embarrassed by my first email to you since you do not know me and i am very sorry for the late reply it was due to my illness now i am strong to sit up right. I had no option since my immediate and extended family in and outside Dubai refused to distribute my funds because they want to keep it to themselves. I didn??know how to move the funds out and dispatched it to charity organizations, so I resulted to putting fate to test and making a random contact.

I am communicating with only you at this moment with regards to this task. And I would not have any cause to do otherwise, except you state your intention to withdraw your assistance.

Just like I stated in my first mail to you, this fund is presently in a private security and holding firm in Europe. I cannot claim these funds myself as a result of,

(1) I am under going medical treatment. It has defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
(2) I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth It is for this reasons I am seeking for your assistance to stand as the beneficiary to the fund and retrieve it on my behalf and dispatched it to charity organizations which I will later provide you with.

All the necessary documents required to get the Funds out of the security firm are in my possession and I will be sending them to you after we must have come to a conclusion and reached an agreement.

I need you to give me your words that you will be very honest and straight forward with me when the money gets to you, So long as you can execute this transaction successfully and help me dispatched it to charity organizations.
Thus, I would need you to get back to me on the following issues,

(1) That you are in a position to be trusted as a God fearing person with such a large amount of fund and dispatched it to charity organization.

(2) That you are willing to contact the security company to discuss the terms of releasing the funds .

(3) That you fully understand this transaction up to this stage and you are ready to proceed under these terms.

(4) That you willing to furnish me your full names, address, phone and your international passport or drivers license.

As soon as I receive your reply that you are ready to proceed under these terms, then I will furnish you with all details of the security company and also how to secure the release of my fund and disposure it to the charities. But if you have any questions up to this stage, please ask and I will be more than happy to respond to them. And I will also send you all the necessary documentations to conclude this transaction and the security company details as my life is too short.

Thanks for your mail, your mail has relieved me and I pray to almighty GOD with his infinite mercy to reward you. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it now. I want you to pray for me so that God would forgive me and be merciful to me and accept my soul.
May God bless you,
Saeed Ahmed

With regards from Dubai

I've received dozens, if not hundreds of scam emails over the last few years and I'm still waiting for a total of $453 million. I normally delete them but today for some reason I decided to open this one. Turns out this is one of my favorite that I've read. Don't worry, I'll share the money with you. Enjoy


Dear Friend,

As you read this, I don`t want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.

My name is Saeed Ahmed a merchant in Dubai, in theU.A.E.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer.It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live,according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous,I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.

I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give also to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last

good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of forty million dollars $40,000,000,00 that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations.



I have set aside 20% for you and for your time.

God be with you.

Regards,

Saeed Ahmed

And the floodgates of school have opened. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSHH I'm gone

I am, he says, she says

I stole this from my cousin Sarah's blog
I am inspired by: Old guys who don't care what they look like

I always: wear shoes

I like chocolate Better than vanilla

I never leave home without: my phone (even though I don't use it much_

I can't believe I: am back in school

I melt: hearts

I find myself: waking up at 5am without an alarm clock

I feel uncomfortable: in suits

I have decided: that money is overated

I am free when: I'm not in jail

I can cry: for Argentina

I will: love my life

I dream of: Genie

I am digging: a hole

Most of the time I: breath

I can't help: sticking my tongue out when I concentrate

I remain enamored with: Beyonce

I can't: touch my toes

I need: a roadtrip

I want: a motorcycle

It's strange that I: still have shoes from 8th grade

If I could, I would: eat eclairs for breakfast (this has been changed from the original due to Rosemary's mocking)

I: am me

Painfully Oblivious

In infomercials, when they try to show how awful the product they’re trying to replace is they show it in black and white. What does that say about old black and white movies?

When a commercial tells you that “Not only will you get this for the low price of $9.99 but we’ll throw in 3 more for the only the cost of shipping!” that means that they can’t even give this product away.

When magazines give work and healthy eating advice they assume that we’re all millionaires, work 2 hours a day and can afford a simple $6,000 two day stay at Bermuda’s finest resort and spa.

Do the guys who still drive the H2’s around with their company logo on it still think it’s cool?

When I hear female tennis players grunt/scream/yell when they hit the ball it makes me wonder if people would watch the WNBA if the players grunted or screamed every time they passed or shot the ball

Adults in commercials – Actors who still haven’t give up the dream of being movie stars.

Wouldn’t be awkward if you’re sitting next to someone who you don’t know in a computer lab and they randomly started looking at your Facebook or Myspace profile

Why do some people feel that they need to eat a 3 course meal in class?

Why do people say HAHAHA or LOL after every text? I don’t laugh whenever I say “I have class today” or “I’m hungry”

I don't get it

School to date

Here are my favorite things about school so far:

Until yesterday I only had to go to 2 different class rooms. Now I have to go to 3 but I think I can deal with it.

I don't have to take an accounting class this semester.

I realized that all of the Asian students in my class choose American names when they come here because most of us can't pronounce their real names. So far I've met Fiona, Jill, Abraham and Noi (I'm not sure what language that's from).

There's a lady that looks like an angry Hilary Clinton with a bowl cut

Today a lady went and told the professor on someone who supposedly took the seat she had saved for class

Football starts tomorrow